TD Blog Interview with Dick Cheney

Richard Bruce Cheney served as the 46th Vice President of the United States of America until January 20th of this year, having previously served as a member of Congress, Secretary of Defense and White House Chief of Staff. On April 1, 2009, I had the privilege of interviewing Vice President Cheney by telephone, from an undisclosed location; what follows are my interview notes.
The Talking Dog: Mr. Vice President, let me thank you for doing this interview; as you know, I have not always agreed with policies you and President Bush put in place, so let me commend you on being so open-minded.
Dick Cheney: Go f*ck yourself.
The Talking Dog: Hmmm… During the inauguration of President Barack Obama, you appeared to be in a good deal of pain; I note that you were moved on a wheel chair. How are you feeling now, Sir?
Dick Cheney: Except for the occasional heart attack, I never felt better.
The Talking Dog: Let me ask you some questions about your historical role…
Dick Cheney: I had other priorities in the sixties than military service.
The Talking Dog: What I meant to ask…
Dick Cheney: Go f*ck yourself.
The Talking Dog: Well, let me start by asking you how you believe history will regard the Administration led by President Bush and yourself.
Dick Cheney: My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators.
The Talking Dog: With the benefit of hindsight, do you have any regrets or anything you’d like to do differently concerning the fateful decision to go to war with Iraq?
Dick Cheney: In Iraq, a ruthless dictator cultivated weapons of mass destruction and the means to deliver them. He gave support to terrorists, had an established relationship with al Qaeda, and his regime is no more.
The Talking Dog: But other than the part about Saddam being a ruthless dictator whose regime is no more, the rest of what you said there is not true…
Dick Cheney: We know he’s been absolutely devoted to trying to acquire nuclear weapons, and we believe he has, in fact, reconstituted nuclear weapons.
The Talking Dog: But Sir, we don’t know that at all… no WMDs were ever actually found…
Dick Cheney: Go f*ck yourself.
The Talking Dog: Let me turn to current events… while there has been much controversy over the effectiveness of “the Surge,” and it seems, both President Bush before and now President Obama have agreed to a scheme by which US troops will leave Iraq, how would you assess the current situation in Iraq?
Dick Cheney: I think they’re in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency.
The Talking Dog: While issues of security dominated the Bush-Cheney Administration… can I refer to the Administration that way…?
Dick Cheney: Oh, yeah. Big time.
The Talking Dog: While security issues dominated, by the end, everything seemed to be taken over by the financial crisis… can you comment on the Bush-Cheney Administration ‘s handling of the financial crisis?
Dick Cheney: There are a lot of lessons we want to learn out of this process in terms of what works. I think we are in fact on our way to getting on top of the whole Katrina exercise.
The Talking Dog: I see our time is running short… anything else I should have asked you but didn’t, or anything else you’d like to comment on?
Dick Cheney: Conservation may be a sign of personal virtue but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive energy policy.
The Talking Dog: Anything else?
Dick Cheney: Go f*ck yourself.
The Talking Dog: Thank you, Sir; I join all of my readers in thanking former Vice President Dick Cheney for that… interesting… interview.