April 26, 2004, Fun With Dick and John
The President, who can't both prepare for his joint private appearance with Vice-President Cheney before the 9-11 Commission on Thursday AND think of nasty things to say about John Kerry at the same time has, as usual, deferred to the brains of the operation, Vice-President Dick Cheney, who unleashed a diatribe about Senator Kerry's fitness to be President because of national security concerns.
Now, Dick-- calm down. George W. Bush remains a heartbeat away from the presidency-- and your heart ain't in the greatest of shape as it is I understand that you are a natural prick and are enjoying this, but I must say, Sir-- right now, the country cannot afford for you to have a massive, disabling heart attack. Just calm yourself down, and think about how your expensive advertising budget, or the fact that 5 or 6 of your friends control the American media, or how that nice Chuck Hagel's company has rigged the voting machines-- and you see, Sir-- there's just no reason to get all excited and risk adverse health consequences.
The fact is, Sir, Senator Kerry's record speaks for itself-- he has a notoriously bad habit of trying to be a political opportunist and be all over numerous issues. I have said so myself-- but criticizing a man who honorably served this country the last time it was senselessly mired in a foreign civil war it could not win, while you famously "had better things to do in the 60's than go fight in Vietnam" is just mean. As I said Sir-- you are a natural prick. But its worse than that.
This tactic of "Democrats are pussies who can't run the country in a time of war will work wonderfully for the cheerleaders. I think Sir, that Middle Americans in Swing States would rather see the other guy-- that tough talking stupid New Englander with the Texas accent they identify with -- rather than you, the bald guy with the bad ticker-- out front and being nasty. Sure-- your poll numbers appear strong-- but that's because you are really kicking ass in Texas and other states that are already solidly "red" anyway. You're not doing so well in the key swing states-- and frankly, a belligerent Dick Cheney will not impress the folks there, who, let's face it, don't like you (I mean, who does?)
So-- go back behind the curtain, please. You're leading your man toward the ultimate irony-- right now, George W. Bush will likely win the popular vote and lose the Electoral College. (How sweet that will be for me-- but what a bitter pill for you, Sir. So please-- PLEASE- - do us all a favor and go back to the Undisclosed Location. Jackson Hole is gorgeous this time of year.)
Comments
Last poll I saw, Cheney's approval was down in the low 30s and falling.
Hopefully it's contagious.
Posted by Linkmeister at April 26, 2004 10:05 PM
Last poll I saw, Cheney's approval was down in the low 30s and falling.
I hope it's contagious.
Posted by Linkmeister at April 26, 2004 10:05 PM
I dunno, dawg, I think I may sense some hostility here.
Could just be me.
Posted by julia at April 27, 2004 03:44 AM
I dunno, dawg, I think I may sense some hostility here.
Could just be me.
Posted by julia at April 27, 2004 03:45 AM
I was getting the impression that this was "American Blog Idol" and that last comment confirmed it for me.
By the way, TD, you are what this contest is all about.
Posted by Chezwick Beene at April 27, 2004 05:03 PM
Personally, I think a Hole is the ideal place for him. By the way, yesterday's Marist College poll showed exactly the same intriguing phenomenon that the ABC and Gallup polls did -- Bush has a 3-point led nationwide, but it's apparently due entirely to a massive surge in his support among the states he was sure to take anyway. In the 17 "battleground" states that will decided the Electoral College -- where Bush and Gore ran virtually even last time -- Kerry has a 3-point edge.
Of course, this was before the Medal Affair, in which Kerry revealed himself to be another stupid liar. The question now is whether the glare from the explosions currently shredding Iraq will move the Medal story onto the back pages before it has a chance to get traction. But in a race in which none of the candidates can find his rump with both hands and all of them would have tried to frame Tommy Jefferson for cutting down the cherry tree, this question isn't as interesting as it used to be.
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