July 26, 2004, The Muffin Man of the Mukhbarat
It must be a slow news day (it really isn't, as the DNC Convention gets under way in Boston with Bill and Hill tonight, more shit is blowing up in Iraq, the Israelis kill at least six in Gaza, etc.) when we get this account of the activities of Saddam Hussein while in confinement. Saddam, it seems, favors American muffins and cookies over his MRE rations, and his activities largely consist of reading the Koran and tending "a garden" in the prison yard. Sounds much nicer than how we dealt with innocent women and children we picked up and sent to Abu Ghraib, now doesn't it?
Oh-- and I hear Chemical Ali and some other former playing cards are also hanging around the prison yard... the Kurdish human rights observer pointed out that the sight of them made him sick...
Its all kind of pathetic that we have gotten nearly 1,000 of our own troops killed (gotten at least 5,000 maimed, killed at least 10,000 Iraqis and God knows how many of them we have maimed)... so that a few of these bastards can have a show trial. We could, of course, turn them all over to the Hague and be done with it... but then, we wouldn't get to direct the show, now would we?
See here's the thing. Saddam was a bad man, yada yada yada. We know that: he was a brutal tyrant. But... it seems those mass graves... weren't so massive as alleged. And those people-eating plastic shredders... seem to be as elusive as the WMDs... And the gassing of the Kurds... seems to be somewhere we probably don't want to go...
Remember the Gulf War stories of Iraq soldiers ripping Kuwaiti babies out of incubators? They were fabrications-- as told by a Kuwaiti princess before Congress to stir up those war-fires. But successfully sold, might I add.
Having exhausted the WMD threat, the Al Qaeda connection (and 9-11, of course), the "new Middle East", the "bringing democracy to Iraq" and just about every other possible good reason for having unilaterally committed an act of aggression that has destroyed thousands of American and tens of thousands of Iraqi lives, we come back to "Saddam was a bad man". So stipulated. So what. Turns out, of course, that even the claims of Saddam's badness have been grossly over-sold.
The verdict remains out on whether this Iraq adventure will ultimately prove beneficial to Iraq, and indeed, whether it will prove beneficial to the United States. But as I ponder the aging dictator hoarding his muffins somewhere and moving rocks around his little trees in the prison yard, I have little doubt that whatever ultimate benefit there will be, the cost will have been too high. We were sold on this war, of course, by the premise that it would be cost-free. Iraqi oil would pay for the treasure costs, and since we would be welcomed with candy and flowers like a new girl-friend, there would be no cost in blood. These fantasies-- along with fantasies of Iraqi WMDs and Al Qaeda ties-- proved to be McGuffins. So Saddam can eat-- and maybe choke on-- his damned muffins.
Comments
We are saddened by the untimely death of WallyCoxLives, one of more passionate commentors. We will miss him.
Posted by TheTalkingDog at July 26, 2004 05:44 PM
So now you're impersonating the host? You watch your ass, Hassan...
Posted by the talking dog at July 26, 2004 05:46 PM
Damn, I left out "our." I was always bad with your English pronouns.
Posted by Hassan Bar Sinister at July 26, 2004 05:48 PM
Hassan....could TD interest you in some fine muffins...perhaps a pretzel?
Posted by alicia at July 26, 2004 05:50 PM
mmmmm...muffins.
Posted by jason at July 26, 2004 06:33 PM
I saw the shredder though. It had Steve Buscemi's foot sticking out of it.
Posted by Zizka at July 26, 2004 08:53 PM
Wow, that's pretty sad about WallyCoxLives. Just goes to show you, one day you're paying tribute to the Buck Henry of his time (without the burden of creativity), hanging with Tennessee Tuxedo, and the next----pffft, Sweet Polly Purebread's a widder. Let's raise a muffin to Wally.
Posted by They Call Me Mr. Crabcake at July 26, 2004 09:11 PM
The Democratic Convention kicks off with Al Gore (I accept the nomination for re-election, Hee, Hee). Then, Jimmy Carter, the man who allowed the birth of uncontained, unbridled Islamic terrorist attacks on us in the Middle East, which was so easy and successful for the mullahs that it culminated with the 9/11 attacks. A man who gave us our most ignominious military moment, as our unprepared rescue helicopters crashed helplessly in the desert. And, a man so ill suited for the presidency that Kerry's mentor did the unthinkable act of running against his party incumbent. This followed by Hil & Bill, who together helped make terrorism a cottage industry. Yes, it is good that the forward looking party has a handle on this terrorism thing.
Posted by They Call Me Mr. Crabcake at July 26, 2004 09:42 PM
Oh, give it up Crabcakes. Jimmy Carter politely took the appropriate stabs at Dear Leader-- something about honorably serving in the military...
And I'm listening to Senator Mrs. Bubba, she seems resigned to sitting it out in '08... You know, Crabby-- Dear Leader and Poppy Great Leader and St. Ron have been in command for 15 of the last 23 years... and in 6 of those intervening 8 years, the Dark Side controlled the Clenis' Congress... in short-- give it up.
No one cares about your negativism, you nattering nabob (or in your case, possibly kabob).
Posted by the talking dog at July 26, 2004 10:37 PM
Listen fella, in three and a half months (W's re-election), you're gonna feel pretty dumb about these postings.
But, hey, it's never too late to jump on the bandwagon.
Posted by No doubt, Bush in 2004 at July 26, 2004 11:08 PM
TD,
It's not bad enough that you get a smackdown from Gwen Stefani, but now you're quoting the distinguished Spiro Agnew. Who's next, Bebe Rebozo?
PS
My cousin Shelly ended up on a kabob, so that one hurts.
Posted by They Call Me Mr. Crabcake at July 27, 2004 12:18 PM
Its too bad that former Presidential Candidate Pat Paulsen isn't around any longer (IIRC, he did win the North Dakota primary in the 90's...) before passing away.
Paulsen 2004: Deadpan, Dead-on, Dead Right for America. And even deceased, still better than Dubya.
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