the talking dog

April 1, 2004, Chicken Hawk Down? Not on My Watch, Says Prez...

Americans, usually numb to the suffering of others in whom they do not have a direct financial stake, were stirred a bit out of their existential slumber by reports and images of an angry Iraqi mob burning and mutiliating the corpses of murdered American contract workers in Fallujah, Iraq. While reminiscent to some of similar images of American soldiers being dragged throught the streets of Mogadishu, Somalia, the President, cognizant that the Somalia situation was completely different because Bill Clinton-- a Democrat was in the White House-- and therefore, the Mogadishu episode demonstrated American weakness and lack of resolve-- determined to respond with an unmistakeable show of force against the Iraqi insurgents.

Accordingly, the President determined that decisive action was required once and for all, and ordered the execution of every man, woman and child in Fallujah. This is an election year, and the President was concerned that Senator Kerry might try to make too much of HIS war-time exploits, and point out that the President only served stateside. So as not to be accused of refusing to dirty his own hands in the matter, President George W. Bush is, as of this moment (0900 EST, or 1300 Zulu, 1 April 2004) in command of an F-3 Hornet fighter heading for Fallujah, where he will personally launch cruise missiles from his aircraft directed at a holding area where the population of Fallujah has been rounded up to await their date with Allah.

Although reports from a heated cabinet meeting revealed that Secretary of State Powell "had reservations" about the plan, and Homeland Security Secretary Ridge said he "saw potential problems" from the plan, the remainder of the cabinet gave it 12 "enthusiastic thumbs up" (Dick Cheney approving of the plan from Undisclosed Location, Wyoming).

The President's words before climbing into the cockpit to assembled press (who vowed secrecy, until the mission was safely carried out) was "We're gonna show these furriners what Amerrka stands for! We are a peace-loving, just and merciful people, and they will realize this as we blow them to Paradise. Sunni Triangle, get ready for your 70 Virgins."

May God continue to bless America.

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