April 2, 2004, More Falluja Fallout
Among the four infamous civilian contractors who were murdered in Falluja, Iraq and whose corpses were subsequently publicly mutilated (or, as we used to call them, "mercenaries") , with thanks to Kathryn Cramer and Teresa Neilsen Hayden's Making Light for the heads up, is former Hollywood stuntman, personal trainer and all around "fitness guru" Scott Helvenston. Helvenston had been a former Navy SEAL (and trained Demi Moore for the movie "GI Jane"), and at 38, one day, apparently decided he... would rather be wherever it is, than here today... and got himself some work in Iraq...
I don't mean to make light of this horrible situation, which will only make things more ugly on all sides. Frankly, I did that yesterday-- and the irony is, when I woke up, I kind of thought my suggestion for the United States of America deciding to be OBL's best press agent and impose some sort of collective punishment on Falluja's Sunni Arabs-- especially with such a brazen human rights abuse performed by Presidentissimo George W. Bush himself-- was funny. Forgive me for thinking that a potential mass murder performed by the United States could be the subject of humor-- my membership in the Northeastern Liberal Elite may be suspended because of it. The problem, you see, was that during the next twelve hours, more or less the entire Bush Administration announced a signficiant "crack-down" against Falluja, which will almost certainly included numerous shoot first ask questions later scenarios, instantly making my joke unfunny. In short, Bush is not shy: people will die. I am duly chastened.
Anyway-- the deaths of the four "civilian contractors", including the famous Mr. Helvenston, who appeared to be working for a "security consultant" there for "training", lead to obvious questions. Is the United States of America not only employing mercenaries, but employing them in the largest numbers the world has ever seen? Obviously, a snarky guy like me would instantly jump to the conclusion that employing mercenaries is the ultimate win-win-win for the Bush Adminsitration: the numbers of troops deployed and hence killed in official counts is reduced (thereby keeping the high political cost from rising even higher than it already is), such mercenaries may be called upon to perform specialized "missions" that might be say, illegal for American military personnel to perform, and most importantly, a veritable fortune can and will be made by contractors, who will then show their appreciation by generous campaign contributions to one particular party and rather large gratuities to various numbered bank accounts located in some of the world's most exotic banking havens. I mean, I could be flying off the handle here, with absolutely baseless allegations.. or are they?
As I said-- assuming I'm right, of course, this plan is win, win, win. the only ones who stand to lose, I suppose, are the American taxpayer, the Iraqi people, and the occasional unlucky bastards who get their asses blown off and dragged through the Sunni Triangle.
But other than that, the plan is perfect...
Comments
Are you and I the only ones to notice that private armies in foreign countries are mercenaries? Of course, that makes them even more voluntary than regular soldiers or national guards. Privatize the whole army! Naw, that'd probably reduce the costs and make foreign adventures even more attractive.
I don't have trackback, so, if you don't mind, I'll quote some of you and all of me on my blog.
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