the talking dog

You unlock the door to the cabin of Air Force 2 with the key of imagination (and your "duck caller"). Beyond it is another
dimension - a dimension of sound, a dimension of sight (or, more importantly, out of sight and beyond oversight), a dimension of
mind. You're moving into a land of both shadow and substance, of things
and ideas.

You've just crossed over into the Zone... of Dick Cheney.

Submitted for your approval:

The Vice-President continues to deny that his office had anything to do with sweetheart contracts with his former company (Halliburton), even though a Pentagon e-mail report insists he (personally) coordinated them. Well, who are you going to believe: Dick Cheney, or your own eyes. In the Zone, I think we know the answer...

An investigation is proceeding into a bribery scandal in Nigeria involving Halliburton when Dick Cheney was its head; we eagerly await the vice-president's denial.

Meanwhile, the prime suspect in the investigation over who deliberately leaked the covert-agent status of Valerie Plame seems to be one Scooter Libby, the vice-president's chief of staff... we await the vice-president's denial.

Fortunately, in the Zone, the world is safe: we defeated Saddam, who personally assisted-- no, ORDERED-- OBL to launch the September 11th attacks and was planning to next launch nuclear weapons at us... except we never said any of that (and we are outraged at any news outlet that would say we said it).
Fortunately, we know that the 9-11 Commission is wrong if they say otherwise, because we might have information that they don't, even though we made a complete and total disclosure of everything we knew at our joint, off the record, not under oath "visit".

Because black is white. Wrong is right. Night is day. Baldface lies by a bald and baldfaced liar are the God's honest truth.

In the Zone.

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Parody? You want parody?

Here are some of Bush's remarks in an interview he gave on Irish television, I guess it was yesterday. This material is quoted from cnn.com:

"People join terrorist organizations because there's no hope and there's no chance to raise their families in a peaceful world where there is not freedom ... so the idea is to promote freedom and at the same time protect our security."

Then, speaking of terrorists:

"These people are willing to kill innocent people. They're willing to slaughter innocent people to stop the advance of freedom."

So they are so desperate for freedom they become terrorists, where they try to stop the advance of freedom. All in the same interview. Nobody does parody like George Bush. He parodies a politician.

Posted by WallyCoxLives at June 25, 2004 08:23 AM

My friend--
This series of posts is more HOMAGE than parody. The Bush Administration, sadly, IS parody, as you have so ably pointed out (Wally, baby- I WISH the Twilight Zone were a parody for these guys).

Well, with luck, the national nightmare ends in January, and we can wake up and think of this as a bad dream.

Posted by the talking dog at June 25, 2004 08:40 AM

Wally and TD...It is amazing and sad when we actually read the words of our leader and they make no more sense (or even less) than when we heard them...Speaking of words...seems Cheney used a few choice ones of his own yesterday and unlike Bush, Leahy knew exactly what he meant. Aren't we lucky there's such a class act presiding over the Senate?

Posted by alicia at June 25, 2004 09:23 AM

There's a link to the Cheney being the SAYER of "Go fuck yourself" (as opposed to a very deserving recipient of it) somewhere in this post... (I believe in "another dimension"...just part of the Zone!)

Cheney is, of course, foulmouthed like a Fox (ditto Bush-- recall the famous "Isn't that Adam Clymer, that major league asshole" by Bush, seconded with Cheney's "big time", leading to a suggested superhero duo-- Big Time and Major League). Specifically, there are actually rules that senators MUST-- MUST be civil to one another-- with the senate in session (the veep would count as a senator for this purpose). Naturally, the photo session involved, the senate was TECHNICALLY not in session. So when the ranking member of the judiciary committee asks the vice-president about conflicts of interest in massive governmental contracts, the appropriate response remains "Go fuck yourself."

If there's a single voter in "the base" of corporate thieves and religious extrmists (the former group who LOVES to talk like longshoremen, the latter group who loves to rag on anyone who dares use such awful verbiage) who didn't support Bush-Cheney before, I suspect he's picked them up now. As always, though, Cheney taking huge chances with legitimate moderates and independents-- who may feel the imperium is not an appropriate model for governance.

Posted by the talking dog at June 25, 2004 09:36 AM

The language normally doesn't bother me. Shrub calling a reporter an a**hole doesn't bother me. But that sort of language on the Senate floor spoken by the Vice-president of the United States to a Senator bothers me. That's just not the place for it. As for the Shrub quotes I quoted, it just shows that he doesn't really have any coherent plan or understanding of pretty much anything. Each question is atomic and answered uniquely and without regard to any other answers he may have given before. He's just trying to work the word "freedom" into as many sentences as possible.

Posted by WallyCoxLives at June 25, 2004 09:51 AM

Oh....'F-you' doesn't bother me (unless it's hurled in my direction)....there are too many times when nothing else will suffice. On the Senate floor IS another matter and it only further confirms the depths to which this administration has stooped. Oh well TD...it also confirms your meltdown theory most aptly. They are coming apart at the seams and losing composure. Truthfully, it is difficult to watch. Sorry I didn't catch the link...hope I don't read as poorly as Bush speaks.

Posted by alicia at June 25, 2004 10:07 AM

The speechwriters were told a long time ago to monopolize "freedom" from Bush's mouth; blogger MIke Finlay has aptly said that "freedom is his bitch". He simply incorporates it in all the OTHER incoherent things he says. Sadly-- these guys' model is the original corporate thief, McKinley, whose own vice-president later used the opportunity to UNDO that corporate corruption! A better model would be SILENT Cal Coolidge. Too bad.

Hey, these guys have sullied everything else they touched-- the senate floor is just something else.

And Dick is not "melting down"... the man is a machine. They are "shoring up the base". Its a calcuated gamble that they can win with JUST the hard core...

Posted by the talking dog at June 25, 2004 10:11 AM

Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt must be spinning in their graves, seeing what the Republican party has done to cause division in the country and, for Teddy, a great conservationist and, oddly enough, pretty liberal in many ways, what they have done to the environment and diversity. Regarding that last, I recall a story about Teddy Roosevelt in which he was talking to reporters about how he had selected someone for his qualifications, not his ethnic (Jewish) background. He turned to one of his advisors, also Jewish (whose name escapes me at the moment, but we'll call him "Max" just so he has a name) and said, "Isn't that right, Max?" And Max said, "That's right Mr. President. You said to me, 'Max, get me the best Jew for the job.'"

Posted by WallyCoxLives at June 25, 2004 01:02 PM

Isn't that special?
A real liberal lovefest going on between you three, isn't there? Why don't you all fly off to a nice, liberal island? Like CUBA.

Posted by They Call Me Mr. Crabcake at June 25, 2004 02:24 PM

Hey Crabcakes--
Don't you think its a tad ironic that the only part of Cuba that has any laws AT ALL is the part that isn't run by the United States?

Posted by the talking dog at June 25, 2004 03:16 PM

Now who's getting all hostile?

Posted by WallyCoxLives at June 25, 2004 03:19 PM

Just making travel suggestions...it being summer and all. Might I suggest travelocity.com.
Dog:
Dick Cheney's Senate floor meltdown appears to be a direct response to your suggestion of self-fornication on June 18. There are spies everywhere.
PS: I'm sure that phrase may have made it to the floor once or twice before. Leahy should wear it as a badge instead of being such a wuss.

Posted by They Call Me Mr. Crabcake at June 25, 2004 09:14 PM

historically the invading country rebuilds the invaded country. look at what happened to Germany after WW2. What wrong with us making money in making Iraq a normal country and an ally like Germany.

But I forgot the liberals are against private sector benefiting and smaller wars to stop larger wars.

Let's never make terrorists or criminals ever be held accountable and have the big government spend all are money.

LESS TAXES MORE WAR.

F**K THE LIBERALS.

Posted by sean archer at June 26, 2004 03:55 AM

Where do I begin? Where do I begin?

I'll keep it simple for Sean. These are facts Sean. Learn them. Your taxes will increase, as did the deficit, because of the Iraq War. See, the United States is the only country actually paying for this war, so it isn't making any money for the taxpayers, it is taking taxpayer money and giving it to large corporations, costing you and me money. The United States not only is paying for the entire thing with our tax money, but it isn't getting much tax money back from the corporations that it is employing. See, Halliburton has a PO Box in Bermuda and, consequently, PAYS NO TAXES on the money it gets from our taxes. The corporation made more than a billion dollars in profit last year and paid 0 dollars in taxes.

Of course, I realize your remarks about less taxes and more war put you in the category of someone who is really trying to pull a Frogsdong, which is to say, portray an ultra hardcore right wingnut for the sake of parody, but if that is the case, try being more of a Frogsdong and make your remarks humorous and ironic too. Otherwise you just look stupid.

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the talking dog

June 24, 2004, In the Zone

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